Constantine (2.5 stars)

Reviewed by Owen Wyatt (special correspondent for Pride Hotel)

Directed by Francis Lawrence

Screenwriters: Kevin Brodbin, Frank Capello (Based on the characters in DC/Vertigo's Hellblazer graphic novel by Jaime Delano and Garth Ennis).

Cast:  Keanu Reaves, Rachel Weisz, Shia Labeouf, Djimon Hounsou, Tilda Swinton, Peter Stormare, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Max Baker and Gavin Rossdale.

Rated R, 121 minutes

Save 1997s The Devil's Advocate, the last time audiences saw Keanu Reeves speaking with God and pulling fast ones on the Devil and his minions (i.e "Melvening" the Grim Reaper) was in the reprise of his Ted Theodore Logan character in 1991s Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey over a decade ago.  Armed with bong-hit optimism and sophomoric aphorisms, Ted and his best friend Bill S. Peterson Esquire (Alex Winter), travel to both Heaven and Hell in this sequel to 1989s Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  This time around Reeves is caught between the two in the role of  the phlegmatic, chain smoking John Constantine, as he gang bangs with evil and struggles to change the course of his own failed suicide fate.  Based on the character from the DC/Vertigo graphic novel Hellblazer, from the mid 1980s, and set in an atmospheric interpretation of downtown Los Angeles, with a rich and lurid color scheme, complete with dirty windows and city grit verisimilitude, Reeve's character goes about his exorcism duties and "soul traffic" manipulation with the affectation and intended cool of Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe.  Unfortunately, what we get is the Matrix's Neo all over again with shades of Ted thrown in for good measure in a film which appropriates familiar supernatural material, from The Exorcist to George Burns's Oh God! trilogy.

Constantine builds with tension and potential as we begin with evil incarnate's (the son of the devil) unlikely release and inexorable march north from darkest Mexico to meet our vigilante ghostbuster in LA's film noir streets. We are introduced to John Constantine as he performs a heroic exorcism without putting out his cigarette, tearing a page from Superman 2 as he traps the unwelcome party in the two dimensions of a cheval glass, shattering it to smithereens on his 1980's modeled taxi cab manned by his upstart sidekick below.  But as quickly as this potential is established, it is erased.  The successful look and feel of Constantine slowly breaks under the weight of its flaccid and routine blockbuster play-calling of boilerplate dialogue (Replace Reeve's Matrix "whoa," with "Drive... fast."), nebulous storytelling and CGI special effects dependency. 

In Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey we see a simple but nevertheless original interpretation of Hell, as even Bill picks up on. "This place is not what I imagined it to look like at all," he says when he is first confronted with the mechanistic aesthetic and enveloping darkness that characterizes Peter Hewit's interpretation of the Underworld. In Constantine we are handed a tired, and much more expensive version of Hell, replete with flames, strong winds and computer animated demons crawling atop apocalyptic rubble and ruin, topped off with a sporadic shot into a cavern of writhing inmates, an Iron Maiden version of the campy eschatological dance depicted in Matrix Revolution's Zion.  This is not to say that Constantine does not have some original eye candy for its viewer.  The movie does deliver some inspired effects; most notably the seemingly Dali-inspired slow-motion climax of Constantine's first exploration into Hell, and the sudden exit of Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) from the top floor of a skyscraper, forced by the unseen hand of Lucifer's recalcitrant son.  Ultimately, however, Constantine's effects only serve as individual constructions and fail to anchor the film's plot.

The anticipated confrontation between Constantine and Lucifer's son, which is set up from the very beginning of the film, equivocates rather than culminates, disintegrating in front of our eyes.  Though we are given the Devil himself (played as a dandified Hannibal Lecter with a southern drawl by Peter Stormare) there is no mighty showdown. Rather, Lucifer ties everything up a little too neatly; not only does he matter-of-factly deposit his son back into Hell, but he conveniently diverts Constantine's worldly fate, allowing him to live rather than to go to Heaven. The style and mood of these last scenes remains striking, yet as is true throughout the film, a certain basic competency in storytelling is absent.

Perhaps Constantine's screenwriting team should have called it quits here: the just-missed kiss between Reaves and Weisz fizzles and the sidekick-as-angel are unsatisfactory as denouement to say the least.  As far as this writer is concerned this film could have faded out with the bathetic shot of Constantine, surrounded by Matrix-esque effects, flipping the Devil the bird, evoking memories of Theodore Logan's preternatural mantra "Don't fear the Reaper" and frenzied air guitar celebration. When it comes to the Keanu canon of confrontation of good and evil, I guess I'd rather have Ted on my side...

[	mood	|	incredibly focused on study	]
[	music	|	downloaded cover of '99 red balloons' by bjork	]

FROM A FILE MARKED 'FIELDNOTES' IN A FOLDER CALLED 'PUNE RESEARCH' ON MY DESKTOP:

1 february 2005

tentative schedule (til paper is done)

9am start work on paper

2pm stop work on paper (you are allowed to eat food in the middle once)

3-5pm marathi practice of some sort

5-6pm update fieldnotes with newspaper stuff, thoughts, etc., as copiously as possible even if you don't want to

ACTUAL SCHEDULE, 2nd, 3rd, 4th of february, 2005

2 february 2005

9am wake up hungover from hanging out with sanjay, make sad sounds at owen

9:30am make tea and toast for self and husband, dally about with the newspaper

10:30am call the internet place and yell at them for guy not coming to set up for us

10:32am walk to internet cafe

12:50pm see 'finding neverland' at inox. emerge weepy and sappy into the bright puneri road.

4pm walk home from inox talking about pizza, and how all we want is pizza and to go to a wedding where everyone is wearing pizza. pizza pants! pizza tuxedos! owen's favorite: pizza handkerchiefs in front pockets of men's suits!

5pm arrive home and wait for internet guy, play snood and bogglesque game called 'text twist'

6:30pm owen leaves to get pizza!

8pm internet guys still has not come, we get disgruntled.

8:08pm call internet place, guy is not coming. "why?" asks owen. "he is not there." they say.

8:30pm sink into complacency/anguish regarding internet, have herbal tea and read until sleepy.

3 february 2005

9am stare at paper. hum to self. surreptiously play computer games while owen thinks i am working.

9:40am declare that i need exercise and proceed to do yoga in living room, with paper on computer screen.

10:20am shower after exhausting sweat-inducing standing still in poses.

10:30am stare at paper.

10:35 decide that i can switch order of schedule and start translating marathi book on early cinema in pune. get caught up in words and the excel spreadsheet which contains a list of important vocabulary and which is fun because typing in devanagiri script is challenging and interesting in an algebraic sort of way.

4pm realize that i've just been copying the dictionary into my computer for 5 hours.

5-7pm cook elaborate dinner, planning on fact that internet guy will NEVER show up so might as well.

7:07pm internet guy shows up and the computers are all surrounded by the dinner. 

9:20pm o and j in front of computer downloading music and trying to find an illegal copy of life aquatic online. 

4 february 2005

9am write new introduction to paper! brilliantly! entire thing is magically mapped out in head! each section rising beautifully from the last!! feel a sense of renewed belief in self!

9:20am remember that internet is working. download download download. make self feel better by downloading some marathi songs.

noonish get caught in middle of insane argument between cleaning woman and sweeper woman outside, feel pleased because marathi is understood, think that maybe copying the dictionary is worthwhile.

1pm read section in ashis nandy book that discredits entire idea for paper. consider actually making pizza suit for owen.

1:20pm fuck ashis nandy and his stupid book and his stupid intelligence.

2pm forced to stop work on paper by pressing need for cheddar cheese. walk to 'hot breads' new favorite store and buy it. return to find owen face down on bed, exhausted from vocabulary flashcards. "crepuscular" he mumbles. study husband wondering if he is beyond help. "solifluction." he says.

3:15pm have new breakthrough regarding paper and decide to publish it. now must write it.

6:30pm prepare dinner for aniel, write lj comments to air_ape , put out plate of cheese, crackers, and olives that looks very 1970s dinner party.

7pm - 1am entertain aniel and sanjay, watch sanjay get very drunk and watch him drive away in large car, finish dessert/conversation with aniel, basically get self into state that means that the 5th will begin much the same as the 2nd did. excellent.